The Freedom to Love
What Olivia Dean's concert reminded me about growing older, following Jesus, and loving our neighbor.
Birthdays have never really been my thing.
Don’t get me wrong. I know they’re special. I’m grateful for another year, another trip around the sun, another reminder of God’s faithfulness.
But while some people celebrate all month long, I’ve always been the opposite.
I’ve always appreciated affirmation.
Attention? Not so much.
Maybe that’s why birthdays tend to make me less celebratory and more reflective. They invite me to look back before I look ahead.
This year, that reflection started a few days early.
Last Saturday, my daughter invited me to go with her and a few friends to see Olivia Dean in concert.
If your kids are older, you know that once they reach a certain age, they don’t have to invite you into their world anymore. So when they do, it’s an automatic yes.
The fact that it was Olivia Dean made it even sweeter.
She’s one of our favorite artists.
Her songs have carried, inspired, and comforted both of us.
Yes, I love her music.
But even more than that, I love the person she seems to be.
There’s a joy about her that’s hard to describe. An authenticity that doesn’t feel manufactured. A freedom that’s both confident and gentle. And at only 27, she carries herself like someone who has learned to love herself without needing to prove herself.
As I watched her perform, I found myself thinking less about the music and more about my younger self.
I wasn’t like that at her age.
I was shy.
Insecure.
Constantly wondering what other people thought of me.
So much of my energy was spent trying to fit in, avoid criticism, and make sure I wasn’t “too much” or “not enough.”
Looking back now, I wonder what life might have been like if I’d known then what I know now.
I wonder what it would have been like to experience freedom in that season of my life.
Freer to be who God created me to be instead of who I thought everyone else wanted me to become.
Freer to embrace the warmth of the sun on my skin without being afraid of how dark I would get.
Freer to feel the wind thru my curls without trying to tame them.
Freer to allow myself the joy of being light, fun and playful.
The older I get, the more I’m convinced that freedom changes the way we love people.
When we’re consumed with protecting ourselves, proving ourselves, or performing for others, there’s very little room left to truly see the people around us.
But when we begin to understand our identity in Christ...
When we stop carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations...
When we no longer need validation to tell us who we are...
Something shifts.
We become freer to love.
Let Alone the One You Love
One song from the concert has stayed with me all week: Let Alone the One You Love.
It’s one of my favorites.
The title always gets me.
But it’s the second verse and chorus that simultaneously wrecks and inspires me.
V2
And any choice you had worth making
I'd push you to take it
No questions asked, no doubt in mind
But when they're mine, yeah
You react like I'm crossing a line
I'm too much to handle and just dial it back a bit
Well, well, I'm not having it,
Chorus:
It's too much to mend
You're the hug that had to end
Though I've tried to hold on
And if you knew me at all
You wouldn't try to keep me small,
Who would do that to a friend
Let alone the one you love?
Right before she performed the song on Saturday, Olivia shared her thoughts on what it means to love. I didn’t get a chance to record her, so I was grateful to find this video on TikTok!
Whew!
Those words take me back to a time when I believed I had to play safe, stay in my lane, and keep myself small.
And it took me a long time to see that isn’t love.
That’s not how you love yourself and it’s not how you should love others.
It took me even longer to be courageous enough to say, “I’m not having it!”
That journey taught me that: Love doesn’t ask people to become smaller.
It doesn’t demand that they hide the parts of themselves that make us uncomfortable.
Real love creates space for people to become who God created them to be.
And that’s beautiful when we’re the ones receiving it.
It’s much harder when we’re the ones being asked to give it.
Because if we’re honest, loving people is hard.
Sometimes the hardest person to love is ourselves.
Sometimes it’s the family member whose opinions make every holiday feel exhausting…
The coworker who tests our patience.
The immigrant whose story we assume but don’t know.
The stranger we pass every morning without a second thought.
The person whose politics, beliefs, or life experiences couldn’t be more different from our own.
It’s easy to talk about loving our neighbors when “neighbor” is just an idea.
It’s much harder when love asks something of us.
Because loving our neighbor isn’t just about being kind when our paths happen to cross.
It’s choosing to genuinely want what’s best for someone else.
To hope they flourish.
To celebrate their successes, even when we gain nothing in return.
To pray for their good, whether we know their name or not.
To believe they, too, are image bearers worthy of dignity, compassion, and love.
When Jesus was asked, "Who is my neighbor?" He answered with the story of the Good Samaritan, a reminder that our neighbor isn't defined by proximity, nationality, politics, or shared beliefs. Our neighbor is simply the person God places before us.
Jesus never said our neighbors had to earn our love.
He simply told us to love them.
Not because it would always come naturally.
Not because everyone would be easy to love.
But because every time we choose love over fear, generosity over self-interest, and compassion over contempt, we become a little more like Jesus.
Reflections & Look Ahead
As another birthday comes and goes, I don’t find myself wishing I were younger.
And I don’t find myself discouraged or full of regret.
I find myself grateful.
Grateful that Jesus is still freeing me from the fear of what others think.
Grateful that He’s teaching me not just how to love myself as someone created in His image, but how to genuinely want that same freedom for others.
Maybe that’s one of the greatest gifts of growing older.
Not that we’ve figured life out.
But that, year by year, if we’re paying more attention, and we’re becoming a little more like Jesus.
Reflection
What fears or expectations have kept you from becoming who God created you to be?
Who is one person—whether you know them well or not—that Jesus may be inviting you to love by genuinely wanting what’s best for them this week?
Keep Reading:
Who Are You Without a Label?
I Had A Change of Heart
Is My Allegiance Divided?
Hi! I’m Torrie. Thanks for stopping by.
If this article encouraged you, provided language for what you’re feeling, or challenged you, I’d love to hear your story in a comment below.