Reclaiming the Power of "What If"
From Paralyzing Fear to Exciting Potential
Just start…
Don’t you wish is was just that simple?
Some say taking the first step is always the hardest. I get that. I’ve experienced the paralyzing fear of not knowing where or how to start something new. Sorting through all the “what ifs” can be overwhelming and leave us paralyzed.
”What if I mess up?”
”What if I’m pursuing the wrong thing?”
”What if it’s not the right time?”
”What if this isn’t what God has for me?”
”What if I fail?”
What if….
I’m sure you have plenty of “what ifs” too.
What If I Fail…What If I Succeed?
Recently, I discovered a shift. I’m no longer as afraid to start as I used to be, which I should probably count as a breakthrough because I remember talking to a coworker a few years ago who told me, “It sounds like you’re afraid to start because you won’t know how it will end. What if this is what God created you to do? Do you want to miss out on that because you’re so afraid of doing it wrong that you can’t see how to begin? I don’t think it doesn’t matter where you start. I think it just matters that you do.” Those words - his positive perspective on “what if” - gave me the confidence to take the first step.
“What if this is what God created you to do?
It doesn’t matter where you start. It just matters that you do.”
Actually, let me back up.
The first shift happened about two years ago.
After taking my coworker’s advice, I gathered the courage to write in this Mixed space. I was all in, engaging with a new social media community, learning how to network with fellow writers, attending conferences, and soaking up all the knowledge I could about the writing and publishing world. As I wrote, I felt a dream take shape in my heart. [Side note: Writing has reminded me that I’ve always been a bit of a dreamer with a desire to shoot big. But I was raised to play it safe…so that’s what I did. I secretly dreamed but never pursued them or imagined they could take shape. So when God began cultivating a writing dream He’d given me, I freaked out!
Seriously! My thoughts morphed from, “What if I fail at this writing thing?” to, “What if God wants to do more than I can imagine through my writing?” I’ll admit I’m much more inclined to fear failure rather than success. But suddenly, I was terrified of what success might look like.
I slid deep down the rabbit hole, imagining its potential impact on my career, marriage, kids, and life in general. Thank God for amazing, wise friends who reminded me that God is with us in the small and simple, as well as the big and bold.
Once I finished freaking out (okay, maybe I didn’t finish, but I’d at least taken a breather), excitement took over and I was ready to GO! Like pedal to the metal, “Come on, God. Keep up,” kind of momentum. I prepared my first book proposal and continued doing all the “right” things to become a traditionally published author, putting my all into my dream. Despite the trials, pain, perseverance, sacrifice, time, and hard work, I just knew God was going to do more than I could ask or think. Big things were on the way!
And guess what?
My proposal wasn’t picked up. My social media community seemed to stall. Invitations for writing and speaking opportunities stopped. I was devastated. I was working SO hard, doing all the right things. Regardless of how many times I examined my processes and studied the latest trends, I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. Frustration replaced my excitement leaving me feeling burned out and exhausted.
“What if I’d heard God wrong?” I wondered as doubt and insecurity took over.
Maybe you’ve been in a similar place. You’re doing all the right things, checking all the boxes, yet your breakthrough hasn’t come. Your season hasn’t changed. Your door hasn’t opened. In fact, things have slowed or ceased altogether, and your mind is swimming in a sea of your own series of “what ifs.”
I was devastated. I was working SO hard, doing all the right things. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong?
Maybe you’ve been in a similar place. You’re doing all the right things and checking all the boxes, yet your breakthrough hasn’t come. Your season hasn’t changed. Your door hasn’t opened. In fact, things have slowed or ceased altogether, and your mind is swimming in a sea of your own series of “what ifs.”
God let me sit in that space for what felt like an eternity. It wasn’t, but it sure felt like that at the time. The harder I tried to make things happen, the more frustrated I became. Defeated and heartbroken, I asked God to take my dream back. What was the point if it wasn’t going to come true? I didn’t want it anymore.
But the dream didn’t leave and He didn’t take it back. He allowed it to sit dormant while He continued preparing me. See, I thought my preparation season had already happened, that God had done the necessary work in me before planting the dream. But I was wrong. Yes, some healing and change had already occurred before He planted the dream in my heart, but He wasn’t finished. He still had to cultivate the soil and pull out some weeds.
One day, as I struggled with all of my “what ifs,” I felt God nudge me to read the story of Abraham and Issac. Before I even opened my Bible, I had a gut check where this was going. I turned to Genesis 21-22 and read how Abraham had deeply desired a son for a very long time. Finally, God granted Abraham the desire of his heart, his dream. Then, several years later, God asked Abraham to take his son, the thing he loved most, his dream come true, and sacrifice it to Him on an altar. As father and son walked up the mountain, Abraham's heart ached.
“What if God takes my son?”
”What if He doesn’t?”
”What if this is a test and I fail?”
Abraham knew what God was asking of Him and still trusted that God would make another way. Yet, even if He didn’t, Abraham was prepared to sacrifice his son, his desire, his dream, on the altar for the Lord.
Y’all! When I say I was sobbing by this point, I’m not exaggerating! I was a full-on
ugly-crying, snot-running, shoulders-shaking mess. I knew God was asking me the same thing…to give Him what I desired most…my dream of being an author.
By this point, my writing had taken me on a transformative, healing journey - the kind that doesn’t stop with you but overflows to your spouse, kids, family, and friends. I was…I am a different person. As I considered what it meant to put my dream on His altar, I felt Him whisper, “What if the healing you’ve experienced was the sole purpose of your writing? What if it wasn’t for you to be a published author? Would that be enough?” I’ll be honest. I wrestled. A lot. I knew what the healing God had provided should be enough, but I didn’t know if I could just leave my dream there to be consumed.
As I considered what it meant to put my dream on His altar, I felt Him whisper, “What if the healing you’ve experienced was the sole purpose of your writing? What if it wasn’t for you to be a published author? Would that be enough?” I’ll be honest, I wrestled. I knew what the healing God had provided should be enough, but I didn’t know if I could just leave my dream there to be consumed.
As I reflect now, I’m grateful for the wrestling. I’m glad that decision wasn’t easy because it reminds me of the sacrifice and cost. It reminds me that my dreams and desires are ultimately for His glory, not mine.
When I surrendered my dream that day, I didn’t know what my writing future would look like or if there would be one. But God knew…
What If God Has a Better Plan?
As I sit writing in a Starbucks today, I’m getting ready to hit “SEND” on my second book proposal. It’s a totally different book that only God could have written because it wasn’t even on my radar three months ago. It turns out that God still had plans for the words He’s given me, the passion for others to see and love like Jesus, and for you to know that you are seen, valued, and radically loved.
Do I still have “what ifs?” Of course. Currently, my “what if” looks a little like:
”What if I send this proposal and it’s not acquired?”
”What if this was all just another lesson to be learned?”
”What if everything has been preparing me for such a time as this?”
”What if I take this leap, and God shows up in ways I can’t even imagine?”
”What if I take this leap and God doesn’t show up?”
Ok, I know that last one sounds silly. But that’s how doubts work, right? We can see they don’t make sense, but they’re still there. And while I don’t know how things will play out this time, I’m willing to ask,
“What if God is working in the waiting?”
”What if He’s moving in ways I can’t understand?”
”What if He’s making a way I can’t see?”
”What if His plans really are good?”
What about you?
Does a paralyzing wave of “what ifs” keep you from starting new things?
Are you afraid of failure, success, or both?
What “What if…” question are you wrestling with today?
I’d love to hear your story and how God is working in your life.
Leave a comment to share your thoughts.
Book Update
For those who’ve been following the adventure around this new book (click here to learn how the adventure began), I wanted to let you know of an exciting development!
As I mentioned above, I sent the proposal to my agent. She responded with great feedback, editorial notes, and lots of excitement! I spent the week working on her suggestions. I also forwarded some of the devotional samples to young women in the audience demographic to give their insight, which was extremely helpful!
I’ve resubmitted the updated draft.
Next step…my agent, Jevon, begins pitching the proposal to editors and publishing houses, which are the teams that decide which books they will buy and publish.
I’ll keep you posted!
I Need Your Help
I’m not the best at asking for help, but the truth is…
I can’t do this alone. I need your help!
Publishers consider current audience size and engagement as part of the criteria when deciding which authors and books to acquire, especially when taking a risk on a first-time author like me. Books cannot move forward without an already established, supportive, engaged audience like you guys! Seriously! You guys are the BEST, and I’m incredibly grateful and humbled that you’ve chosen to read my words and follow Mixed.ology!
There are 3 ways you can help:
1. Pray. Would you consider being a prayer warrior for this project? I’ll share specific prayer requests throughout the process.
Current prayer request:
1) Pray for Jevon as she pitches the proposal.
2) Pray that the publishing team will be open and ready for a book like this devotional.
3) And pray for the young women (readers) who will be impacted by this book's message.
2. Subscribe. As a subscriber, you will be the first to receive updates, samples, and fun extras directly to your inbox. There will be things only subscribers receive, and I don’t want you to miss out!
3. Share & Comment. If you find something you read here or on your social media feed encouraging or helpful, please take a second to like, comment, or share it. Sharing our experiences and stories helps build community while making others feel less alone and welcome here. This interaction also helps boost engagement (ugh…algorithms) and helps others find hope, understanding, and resources through Mixed.ology.
I’m beyond grateful you’ve chosen to read these words, spend time with me, and build a safe space for growth, healing, and community here at Mixed.ology. God is moving! And He’s invited us to participate in what He’s doing. I’m so glad we get to be on this adventure together!
Thank you for reading!
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Already praying and am so excited to see where God takes you!!
I was sharing with a friend this morning about submitting my dream job of “editor” to Him and believing that He will provide the promotion in His time or He will provide something exceedingly better than I can ask or imagine. I’ve certainly ask God to take away the dream, and like you, He hasn’t. That sentence about cultivating the soil and pulling out some weeds is exactly where He wants me.
Thanks for this reminder, and for including us in your journey.